I don’t even know how to start this post.
Do I start with how in 3 short weeks I’ll finally be able to file for divorce?
Do I start with explaining the painfully slow process I’m going through in trying to find my own apartment?
Do I start with saying how I’m still going to have to be a homeowner with my soon to be ex-husband for another year because of the still crappy real estate market and a $10,000 mortgage penalty hanging over our heads?
Do I start with the story about my new tattoo?
Do I start by telling you how head over heals in love I am?
Hmmm. Tough one.
They say things happen when you least expect it.
Or that love will find you when you stop looking for it.
Or that what you’ve been looking for has been under your nose the entire time.
All three are so true I can’t even begin to tell you.
“He” of course shall remain nameless on this blog, but I have yet to come up with a blog moniker that suits him. I’ve been trying to think of one for awhile but all of them end up sounding so cheesy that I’d rather not. But oh my goodness, never mind that – I can not – CAN NOT – believe how happy I am and have been for the past month or so.
It would be such a long post to get in to how I know him. I’ve known him since I was 14 years old and 21 years later this friendship has turned into what is so far, one of the great loves of my life. Since leaving RAB almost a year ago, he has been one of my most solid friends. Whenever we would get together, he would ask how I was and mean it. He would follow up on previous conversations we’d had to see if anything had changed. He remembered everything I told him. We may have been in a noisy bar with a hockey game on in the background – but he focused on me and what I had to say. I never felt as though he wasn’t listening. I never felt as though he was just asking to be polite. He actually listened. He remembered things. He asked questions. He gave opinions. He’d ask me how I was and was never satisfied with a “fine”. “No”, he’d say, “How ARE you?”.
When we weren’t hanging out together, we were in constant communication over BBM. When I was in Vegas, when he was in Victoria, when I was in California – constant communication. He’d call me at work just to say “I hope you’re having a good day, looking forward to seeing you after work!” That’s it.
Over the past few months, I started developing feelings. I started looking at him differently. I started really, really looking forward to seeing him. My heart would skip a beat when my BBM would go off. But I was too scared to say anything. Some of you know what happened when I dated another good friend of mine a few years ago – but you can’t always tell your heart what to do.
To make a long story short, he was the first to tell me how he felt and that he thought it was time for us to take our friendship to the next level. He was game to try it out, he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, he had no interest in anyone else. He had wanted this for some time and he just wanted me to know. After a lot of thought, a lot of consideration and some good advice from a friend of mine I decided to go for it. I didn’t want to wonder “What If”. I wanted to go for it, I wanted to see where it took me, where it took us.
And holy … am I ever glad I did. Realizing you’re in love with one of your best friends is such a high and incredible experience it’s so hard to describe. He knows me. He has seen me at my emotional rock bottom, he has seen me in my gangly awkward teenaged years, he has seen me tipsy, drunk and downright hammered. He has picked me up, he has always had confidence in me, he has always encouraged me, he has always boosted my confidence and most of all – he has always, always allowed me to be ME. Just plain old me.
He loves – is *passionate*about – music. Sitting listening to music, talking about new bands, old bands is one of our most favourite things to do. Most Saturday nights you’ll find us doing iPod wars until 4 in the morning. He loves movies – action, drama and chick flicks. He’s not too macho to admit that “Love, Actually” is one of his favourite movies.
Yes, we have used the “L” word. And I do. I love him with everything in my being. This is not someone I met 3 weeks ago – this is someone I’ve know for 21 years of my life. We talk about how certain things happened in our life to bring us right where we are – right now. How we always wondered about each other but due to certain reasons, for future posts to follow, it probably wasn’t right or appropriate for us to be together. How we both realized that life is short, how when you know, you know, and how sometimes, you just have to throw caution to the wind and give in and hold on tight.
As I sit here typing this, he is somewhere in the air between here and Palm Springs, on his way home from a week long golf trip. As I said to him, I can’t properly articulate how excited I am for him to get home. He lands in 32 minutes and I want to crawl outside of my body, I’m so excited.
So there you go. Now you know why I’ve been a little quiet over here.
But I also do get to file for divorce in 3 short weeks!
I am also looking for an apartment and it is a painfully slow process.
I also do have to hold on to my house for another year because of the crappy market and mortgage penalty.
And I also did get a new tattoo.
More on those later. Once I find an apartment and once I file for divorce I think my life will slow down a bit and I’ll be able to breath a bit easier.
But for now, I must go freshen up as I expect my love to walk through the door in one short hour.
(I think I just became that sappy girl. I’ll try to keep it in check!)